Four Fried Chickens and a Coke: Greg Rosen Saturdays Presents: A Delay

Well... maybe I should look into planning ahead or managing my time better. Either way the countdown that I know you all were looking forward to (judging mostly by the enormous amounts of feedback I got on my last post) will have to wait til next week. As it turns out Saturdays are not the best days for me as I am in a band and am often indisposed on the weekends. This weekend I will be in Boston.

So instead of a countdown not a single person cares about I will leave you with an idea I have that equally as many people care about.

I am on a big mummy kick right now. Mostly because I hate Brendan Fraser. And because I think that replacing or adding the word "mummy" into places it wasn't originally is funny. Example: Kung Fu Mummy, Two and a Half Mummies, Future Mummies, etc. So anyway my idea is for a movie, preferably a Sci-Fi original, in which Brendan Fraser, not his character from the Mummy series, is middle aged and haunted by the mummies of his past. He has Post Traumatic Mummy Disorder. Very rare. He hits the bottle pretty hard and almost never leaves his rocking chair. He always has his magnum and his faithful cat, Dickfart, by his side. His wives, children, and dwarves all leave him. He is a broken shell of a man.

In a rare fit of courage, Fraser attempts to reach out and start a mummy support group. This, however, ends in disaster when no one shows up except a misguided teenage mummy looking for a friend. Fraser without hesitation, in a blur of tears and erectile dysfunction, rends the young mummy limb from limb. He then proceeds to down an entire bottle of paint thinner. He staggers home on foot through hallucinations of mummified relatives and top hats who tell him to end it all. He finally makes it home and finds a mummy waiting in his rocking chair. Fraser eats its head. Once his devouring of the mummy's head is complete he gathers himself only to find that it was no mummy whose cranium he just ingested.... it was Dickfart! His only friend!

Upon this grim realization Fraser decides to listen to the headwear and kill his life. He realizes he will never escape his mummy-filled nightmare. He goes to a 24 hour Wallgreens and buys a bitchload of embalming fluid, papyrus, and Elmer's glue (for courage) He then proceeds to remove his brain and other internal organs in some of the most graphic scenes ever witnessed by human eyes. With his remaining brain matter, Fraser musters up the intelligence to complete the mummification by wrapping himself up and frightening comedy duos. Thus ends the tragic, stupid, ugly life of Brendan Fraser.

"'Twas the Mummies What Did Him In." Thats what I'll call it. Thoughts?