Agents

I was originally going to write about this story out of Saudi Arabia, its about a father who sold his 8 year old daughter into marriage with a 58 year old man and for roughly $4,ooo.

But I've found something far more disgusting.

I have made no secret about being a Red Sox fan in the past, and there is nothing I wanted more than them to sign Mark Teixeira. But $12 million got in the way, and he went to the Yankees.
This isn't the Yankees fault, sure, Evil Empire and all that, but its not their fault that they have the money to spend. Its Teixeira's agent, Scott Boras who creates all these problems. Agents as a whole are horrible people, its a job that brings in nothing but assholes. You can't be a decent person and become and agents, your morals won't allow it.

They say that they're looking out for their clients best interests, but do you know what they are? Rapists. They rape the teams and they rape the fans. They're the cause of the disconnect between fans and players now. Jackie Robinson sold home appliances during the off season, Mark Teixeira could spend his off season jerking off onto $100 bills 10 times a day. Do you know how much money that would wind up being?

Lets say it takes three bills for him to clean up properly, that's $3000 a day. Its 151 days from November 1st to April 1st. $3000 multiplied by 151 gives us $453,000.

That would leave him with $22,047,000 in clean money.

That's just one season worth of money, hes got an 8 year contract

I'm not even mad about the amount, its the going rate. It's the times we live in and the current market for a player of his talents. But taking that into consideration, looking at all that money, whats another $12 million for the Red Sox? They have it and they didn't spend it. The fans have all the right in the world to be furious with the ownership.

The price is that high because of agents though. I know some of you have heard this before, but bare with me as I talk about Scott Boras.

Long story short, hes the one who forced Alex Rodriguez to opt out of a $252 million contract so he could force the Yankees into paying him $275 million. Hes the person that convinced Manny Ramirez to quit on the Red Sox, to stop trying and be a complete asshole until Boston had no choice but to trade him.

And now this. Now he talks his client out of what is a better fit in Boston so he can get more money for himself. Scott Boras is the most loathsome person on the planet. He is despicable. He is scum. I want to beat his face in with the butt of a pistol. I think that'd be most satisfying. Honestly, he can't die quick enough. If Se7en happened in real life, Kevin Spacey would have made Boras cut off a pound of flesh.

He deserves nothing less. Allow me to paraphrase myself when I say "Scott Boras is an absolute pig of a man. I hope he dies. I hope his family has to watch. Then his body should be burned in a trash can."

I wonder how his family feels. I'm not even sure he has one, he's probably into expensive prostitutes. But if he does have a wife I'm sure hes cheating on her. I don't know how she lives with herself. The money shouldn't make up for the shame she has to feel on a daily basis, knowing that her husband is a rapist. Or his children, no one chooses their father, but I'm sure they would have chosen anyone else. This goes for the children of all agents. If you're reading this and your father is an agent, kill him in his sleep. Better yet, make him suffer. The sight of his son turning on him, torturing him and taking his life would be incredible. He'd never expect it.

Then they'll understand how we feel. Then they'll know betrayal.