Something on my mind grapes

Jack: Jack Welch has such unparalleled management skills they named Welch's Grape Juice after him, because he squeezes the sweetest juice out of his workers’ mind grapes.

Liz: That doesn’t even make sense.

Jack: No, it doesn’t, does it. I wrote it down in the middle of the night.

Its come to my attention that most of you aren't watching 30 Rock. Why?

Not only is it the best show on television, its the only thing we have thats near as good as Arrested Development was. Not as good, but come on, nothing is.

So for those unfamiliar, this wont be as long as the Die Hard piece, heres a breakdown of what you're missing.

The protagonist of 30 Rock is Liz Lemon, played by the universally adored Tina Fey, its a weird, slightly off putting name but you get over it. Like many women in their late 30s, Liz is something of a desperate, depressing character. Described as "New York third-wave feminist, college-educated, single-and-pretending-to-be-happy-about-it, over scheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine that says 'healthy body image' on the cover and every two years you take up knitting for...a week." Obviously theres a comedic spin on this. She's also the head writer and producer of the sketch comedy program, The Girlie Show, or what used to be The Girlie Show.

That changed when Jack Donaghy(Alec Baldwin) showed up. Jack is the Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming at GE, the parent company of the Shinehardt Wig Company, who are of course the (fictional) parent company of NBC. Jack is pretty much the best thing about the show, never without a scathing remark, hes honest in a sort of soul crushing way(Random insults from Jack to Liz). Alec Baldwin couldn't possibly play him better either, his role has earned him an Emmy, a Golden Globe and two SAG awards through two seasons.

Jack has had an interesting life, he was taught to swim when he was lured to a pool with a puppy and then shoved in. Since then hes turned it around and he thrives off fear. Hes climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, bow hunted polar bear, driven a rental car into the Hudson just to see if he could escape and showered with Greata Van Sustern. He overcame a peanut allergy with pure will power. Hes also had quite the long list of famous love interests, Beyonce, Condoleeza Rice, Martha Stewart, Martha Stewarts daughter Alexis, Shakira, Elizabeth Hurley and Katie Couric.

But back to the actual plotline, Jack decides to turn The Girlie Show into TGS with Tracy Jordan. Tracy Jordan(Tracy Morgan) is basically a combination of Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence which can be seen by the fact that hes a.) crazy, and b.) does fat suit movies such as Fat Bitch and Honky Grandma Be Trippin'. Of course there was also Who Dat Ninja? and Black Cop/White Cop. The crazy can be seen in his checkered past, hes fallen asleep on Ted Danson's roof, been arrested for walking naked through Laguardia, and biting Dakota Fanning in the face.

He also recorded undoubtedly the best fake song in the history of film or television, the gold certified novelty party jam, Werewolf Bar Mitzvah

Count me as one of the people who never would have thought anything with Tracy Morgan would be funny. The only problem is you have to look past the fact that hes really just a god awful actor. Typically it doesn't matter because his lines are just so good.

I promised this wouldn't be that long so I'm cutting myself off from going into big character descriptions here.

Heres the thing, this show is outstanding. Every single character is funny for one reason or another, if its Jenna showing off shes a cougar by getting a 15 year old boyfriend who wears Heelys, or if its Liz's dad Dick who works in the incredible reference "It wouldn't be a Lemon party without old Dick!"

And everyone just has so much back story, its like an episode of Family Guy but its all hilarious and relevant flashbacks instead of needless 80s references. Its on Thursday at 9:30 and while you could just pick it up from there, renting the first two seasons would be the best option.

And I want to keep listing things that I find perfect but I'd be rambling forever. Watch the show, never stop, and then maybe I can finally talk about it with someone.